It seemed so hard before? Now? EASY!!!!

Remember when you were in first grade. And multiplication seemed impossible?

Then you get to middle school, and algebra looks like gobbly-d-guck. Then you pass algebra, and get on to calculus. Finish calculus, and now, you’re doing applied physics.

well, maybe not applied physics…Cause that shit is just insane.

One of the most amazing things I have witnessed in my life is challenging what you would think are insurmountable feats and making them eas(ier) tasks.

Geez, I remember the first time I took a girl out salsa dancing..

FAIL. Everybody else was spinning and shit, while we were  stuck doing an off time basic step. Little did I know, I shoulda had a shirt showing my plumage of taco-meat.

Fast forward to today, and I’m not great at it, but I have gained an understanding. As with other things I thought were impossible when I still believed in the word “impossible” lol.

I’ve realized this: things aren’t as hard as they seem with a bit of practice/patience/understanding.

This also gets me to thinking; what is in our futures? What things that seem huge to us now will be mere stepping stones when we look back on them? 10 years later, when we’re all millionaires, with platinum football fields, how will being a thousandaire seem like? Probably real stupid huh? lol

thinking out loud

a.i. 2009.

We’re going on a date….WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!??!

The question that has slayeth many a young player on his way to becoming a supermack.

Getting a date…ehhh, not so tough. I just go up to her, talk, and say “we should continue this later” (implying a date) UNTIL i get the question….

“so what are we gonna do??”

ummm (swagger meter appears)

**brain to a.i.: come up with something quick a.i.**

ummm (swagger meter goes down 20 points)

**brain to a.i. c’mon, she’s foine***

ummm…(sheepish look)

** ahh fuck it…brain runs out of your head, and you drop to the floor**

As I’ve dated, I’ve found that women really like guys that know what the f  they’re doing. So the question “what are we doing tonite” has been stifling men probably since dates were “we’re going for  a dinosaur ride”

So here’s a list of things I do to help alleviate this. If you’re reading this, please add more, cause I need help lol.

Pre-planned awesome: Have a list of canned places, that she might have never been before.

Buy some time: “let me think about it and get back with you” is an acceptable answer. It just has to be delivered smooth. Or just joke so you can get a split second to think more. If she asks “so what did you have planned for tonite?” jokingly say “rough sex”. Hey, either she’s down, or it buys time.

Don’t put the ball in her court: I believe that the “so what you wanna do” question is a shit test to see if a guy can be proactive. So do not I REPEAT DO NOT say “i don’t know, what do you wanna do”. She’ll put you in the wuss pile.

Be fun already: I try as much as possible not to rely on what we’re doing, but be just who I am…If that doesn’t entertain her, then well, she might not be the one.

and the most important: Don’t listen to me: Cause I am either 1. really awesome, or 2. really wrong…and if you try my techniques, you’ll crash and FAIL.

chea!

a.i. 2009

The Greatest Hip Hop Diss Line. Ever.

Jay vs Nas. KRS vs Shan. LL vs Canibus. Soulja Boy vs Bow Wow. 50 Cent vs pretty much everyone.

Hip Hop might be the most crotch grabbingest, ego infused, “whatchu say bout my momma” meta-sport in music history. A sport in which a missed acknowledgement in the liner notes can bring a barrage of words. (words = timberlands/bullets) And as much as this art is based off of unity, it is based off of competition. What a beautiful thang.

Throughout the history of Hip Hop there have been diss songs recorded to reflect that. I had to go through many diss songs to find the one….but one of the more heated feuds. ( due to one partys’ Crippery, and the others’ Blood affiliation) was

DJ Quik vs MC Eiht.

Rewind to like 93-94. I was young. I had an over stimulized (my parents made me watch Menace II Society to avoid the ills of the ghee-toe) conception of what life was like “where it never rains.” Add three and two together, and I thought MC Eiht was really the hoo-rider that he played in the flick. Gyeah.

This was the first rap beef in which I thought some mark was gonna get his cap peelt. Until DJ Quik damn near ended MC Eiht’s whole shit, in one fell swoop of rap line mastery…

I present to you, the greatest rap line diss in Hip Hop history. DJ Quik to MC Eiht, from the song “Dollaz and Sense”

“E-I-H-T, now should I continue/ Yeah, You left out the “G” because the “G” aint in you”

Wow. Read again, and let it sink in. Wow.

I don’t know whether it was the flipping of Eiht’s name to use against him, or him saying he wasn’t a G, or the potency of this line contained in what was otherwise rap-rambling. Or the fact that Eiht could have NEVER seen that coming. Or the fact that I would have come up with that 15 years later…[like the comeback you think of when the capping contest is well ended.]

But as far as lines go, line for line, that is the hardest punch in Hip Hop history. Yes. Ether, takeover, bridge is over, etc were better songs. But this line is simply awesome.

What do you think?

“if it don’t make dollaz, it don’t make sense” (does wess coass bounce)

Original Thought. Vol 1.

• *from deep inside the mind of awesomeness inc, where all the good stuff is**

It has been said that no idea is original. Well, I intend to come damn near very close.

Some people are really good at creating their own ideas. Others are really good at modifying and tweaking other’s ideas. Creators and consumers. Orginators and copiers. Spectators and players.

you get the point, eh?

So….I’ve decided to be an originator. That means proacting,  interacting,  reacting (root word: acting) and creating my own independent thought. The world as it is right now…ehhh, it’s cool. The world as I’d like to have it = total win.

As a society, I’ve noticed that we’re trained to learn-gurgitate, follow, and coattail ride ideas to success. However I’ve noticed that the ones with true, unshakeable success are the ones who are brave enough to do for themselves. It’s much harder to do, but I think the world needs us right now to be creative as we can and give 100 percent.

I see many things that inspire me. And the things that others create, I appreciate. However, it is powerful in a whole different manner to see your own personal contributions, no matter how large or small. And to be in the habit of creating all by oneself.

How I will be an originator/creator? At this point, I dunno..lol. I have a weird ability that when I know what I want, it comes together beautiful (with a little bit of push to it). **You should have seen my last date planning lol.**

Life is a sport. Either you participate, or you watch and comment. Not that I was ever a commenter before. I’ve just commited to being full time on the field. One last thing before i leave…

LETS GO!!!!

a.i. 2009

Personalized License Plates – “THEYSUK”

D1VA, BIGDOGG, KiaRio, PR3TTY, IAMCOOL, LOOKTME, IMFINE2

STFU!

No, these aren’t screenames, or nicknames that can be put on a varsity jackets. They are…

Personalized license plates.

Yuck. Nothing pisses me off more than dumbasses on the road more than them having nametags that confirm it. Imagine the feeling, stuck in a prickly-hot traffic jam, behind a person that could possibly be the world’s ugliest, most self-centered, stupiferous troglodyte. And you have to continously read the crux of their creative capacity…their 7 letter personal license plate.  Makes you more angry, cause the whole problem is probably caused by them, and cause the stupid auto industry hasn’t made a Go-Go Gadget car with elevator shocks.

More importantly, the license plates are dead wrong.  I guaranteed you a person with the license plate “SEXXY” will be the ugliest person in captivity. When I see a Honda Civic DX with a plate “2fast” I want to see if they are “2 fast” for a handful of screws, bolts, and various coins hurled out of my window. The plate “4×4″ on the muddy, gas-guzzling monster truck?  Piloted by none other than Captain Obvious.

Now I’ve actually seen some GREAT and creative personal plates. (two of which have been by one of my close friends) Like the one that has 1’s and I’s in alternating fashions. That kicks cops’ asses, and since some cops are stupid, I like it. But given the fact less than 5% of the population has the mental capacity or comedic timing to pull off something thought provoking, ironic, or hilarious in 7 letters, the chance of this happening are lower than (insert joke about r.kelly’s pants and event with young girls here)

I wish I was the person who approved or rejected vanity plates. I’d approve everyone, but then give all the numbers of stupid plates to a deprogrammed Transformer. Then I’d command the Transformer to whip ass. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Starscream or Hammerjack ripping a car to shreds? I think it would be.

What was I saying. Oh yeah. Step up your vanity plate game. Or get your shit ruined by MEGATRON.

a.i. 2009

TACO BELL HAS A NEW ITEM!??!!

So I’m walking through the mall. Actually, getting chased; the girls are like “ohhh he looks like usher” and have taken it too far and are mobbing me. I understand, I am fooine. lol.

Anyway, I notice a new meal on the Taco Bell marquee. Something about a super quesadilla guacomole, etc etc. And I’m thinking:

why didn’t I know about this.

I mean, I do know everything. But I know the exact reason I dont know this. It’s cause I haven’t watched TV in about 3 weeks, preparing for salsa performances, doing rap performances, and otherwise out being more awesome than the day before…When I thought…

When you are doing good  stuff with your life, you don’t have time for anything less…

That’s right. As I just explained to a co-worker, the tv-fast-food-non-awesomeness cycle. The advertisers show you food. You go get food. You eat, get unhealthy and big, and tired, and don’t feel like going out. What do you do when you’re inside? Watch tv. Where the

advertisers show you food…..

But if you’re out doing awesome shit, you don’t see the fast food. I don’t know about you, but I am more privy to go out and try new things when I dont have “taco bell meal deal” directing me. Also, I don’t want to wreck the effects of a tough-ass workout I had to do. Advertising is powerful, but not as powerful as getting your ass kicked in Yoga Class which you thought was for pussies. NOPE!!!! that will kick your ass majorly. What was I saying…

Oh yeah, If you’re in that cycle, all it takes is one different action to shut down the whole thing. When you’re out doing good stuff, you tend to want the best for yourself.  Where am I going with this…oh yeah.

…you better eat your Wheaties!

a.i. 2009

Random Musings: Show and Tell

Show and tell.

Remember in 1st/2nd grade we got show and tell time? I remember in 1st grade, a kid brought in a Transformer toy. But not just a regular Transformer.

Fortress. Fucking. Maximus.

If you don’t know about Fortress Maximus, let’s spark your imagination.  It was, hands down, the biggest and most bad-assed transformer EVER made. Most Transformers Transform into a truck, or a plane, or a dinosaur (like my weak ass transformer battallion) But no. Fortress Maximus transformed into…

A CITY. IT WAS A ROBOT THAT TRANSFORMED INTO A CITY!

Maybe it is my even-now-too-active-imagination convolved with my childhood memories, but I remember this thing being at LEAST 2 feet tall, with transformer robots that flew and rolled and propelled out of his chest. Even the name is sweet…so sweet that it deserves to be spelled in all caps…FORTRESS MAXIMUS.

What I didn’t know about show and tell time is that we had just been initiated into a lifelong dick-swinging contest, a battle in we will be measured not by contribution, achievement, or earned merit…but measured solely on material goods. He has a Rolex, oh he MUST be doing well, physically, emotionally, and healthily…

(rolls eyes)

I wonder now, with all the layoffs and cutbacks and etc how show and tell looks. Are kids bringing in their homeless bags (a stick attached to a wrapped-up bandanna, with all your shit in it)  Are we raising our children to be concerned with the knowledge, wisdom, and the development of their true talents as opposed to “i got more shit than you, so I win” And let’s take it one step further. What are you showing and telling?

In this overmaterialistic society, we place too much importance on the stuff that evaporates or changes ownership when you die. I don’t know about you, but I plan on living forever – if not physically with a cyborg body, with an achievement or legacy that stands the test of time.

It’s funny too, the kids who never had any (expensive toys)  to bring to show and tell are doing the best now. Armed with their stories, talents, or jokes, they carried this on, and gave their best to the world even though the best wasn’t given to them. And these are the kids grow up to win. Where am I going here….ummmm

Well, before I lose my point, I think I’m gonna quit.  I won’t front though, I still want that damn fortress maximus lol.

a.i. 2009

I love my life.

No matter how dead shit tired I get, no matter how man cans of Red Bull i must drink per day, no matter how many asses i have to kick to get things done right around here

i love my life.

As we go and partake in our sunny and fun fridays, we should all take a split second to appreciate what we have here…

And punch a pirate. Cause pirates don’t rock as much as me, a ninja.

Chea.

a.i. 2009

Upgraded.

Ahhh awesomeness.

Have you ever got a hold of something, used it, and come to the realization….

“wow. I never knew how I lived without this”

Along the way, there will be an item that will blow your mind and totally redefine your perspective. There will be something that will resonate with you so much that you’ll wonder how in the gliding purple heck you didn’t find it earlier.

Upgraded.

I know that material objects shouldn’t solely improve one’s life (although they can guide you). So an “upgrade” can be an experience, or a person that shows you different. Example: I know that in my limited “travels” (re: some southern states) I’ve realized that people are different from what they are in (bassackwards) Michigan. Knowing that is a life-changing experience..

At first glance, some of these items will seem more expensive. That’s because they’re more valuable. In most cases, these items will save either a) time (which you can’t get back) b)money (which you can) or c) inconvienence (a combination of a and b). Shelling out a little bit more for quality items, when needed, makes you more efficient. Cheap shit breaks, or it underserves it’s purpose.  Maintenance is important as well, because when you take care of the good stuff, the stuff will take good care of you.

So to cap this off, a short list of the Awesomeness Inc. Upgrades. In no particular order

1) iPHone (jailbroken)

2) (limited) traveling

3) abundance mindset/ art of awesomeness

4) “illmatic”  by Nas

5) motorcycle

there are others…but i can’t give away all my secrets..mwahahhaa

ai2009

I’d never leave the house without….

so…every super hero, awesome pursuiter and ultra man has their utility belt.

What can’t you leave the house without?

1. iPhone – As much as I said I wouldn’t let tech devices run my life, I said that when I didn’t have my baby. The iPhone has changed my trust in electronic devices. After having shitty phones, wack tv’s, and weak stereos it’s a great feeling to have something that actually works well…

Which goes with my theory that some things you should spend just a little more on. And when you take care of things, they will take care of you.  (more on that later) A good tech device, I think, is like a good girlfriend. You probably laugh at the people who have them, but once you get a good one, you understand.

Occasionally though, I leave it alone, just so I can gain more appreciation for it when I get home. Connected, yes. Entagled…not for me.

2. Hygiene Items -  Yeahp. There she is. Rosario Dawson. Who’da thunk that she’d be right here in the grocery store around the corner. Ahhhh fuck. Your breath stinks. Your lips look like Ashy Larry’s. And your hair is disheveled.

and you’re fucked.

Hairbrush, chapstick, and or breath freshener should be at 30 second access.  One doesn’t have to be custom made suit dressed all the time.  But I think the basics are what people look for, and that ultimately make the biggest difference.

3. Full Boiling Confidence – Head high? Check. Eye Contact direct? Check. Posture perfect. Triple check.

Yes. This is probably the most important thing a man can have. It takes lots of skill to build it, and once you get it, it can’t be taken away.

There’s nothing like the feeling that whatever challenge you’ll face today or blessings that you’ll receive that you’ll be a winner at the end of the day. The pinnacle of awesome.

chea

ai2009