I have to find a new barber

I’m a guy. Pretty low maintenance. Unlike women, who have an infinite stockpile of goop, padding, and lies they have to fix themselves up with (re: butt-pop-panties) guys really can’t do much to improve their cro-magnon appearance…without giving up serious man-points. Yes, I have the slightest of unibrow; no, fuck no, you can’t pluck it.
But [...]

Twitter is down. The internet’s goin nutz.

WHATS UP ERRRBODY>>>>
“i got the innnanet goin nutz”
Ahh, Mr. Wall. Paul Wall. Before twittar, facebook, myspace, etc, Paul Wall proclaimed himself the king of the parking lot, and the person who “had the internet going nuts”
Until twitter went down this morning, and the internet starting acting wonky (fb and other social networks too)
Before the internet [...]

iPhone 3Gs will change pr0n forever.

Flashback to a college dorm night. She might have been tipsy. She was naughty. She was down. Down to get filmed.
For porn.
You know how you try to keep smooth while suppressing all excited awkardness…like ***ohshitthisisreallyhappening*** ….”yeah baby, let me get the camera”
So I got my ultra-performing, top of the line,  3.2 megapixel digicam. As I [...]

Signs that showed it would be A RESSESSHON

Wow. The recession. Everyone’s favorite topic and excuse:
“we cain’t get murried…issa recesshon”.
“i got all f’s, cause issa resesshon”.
“i’m making 100,000 an hour…but it’s stilla a ressissohn…buy your own damn fries” (c/o b.obama)
However, there were signs that poo would soon be coating the fan. I don’t think of it as much of a recession, but a [...]

Being “different” is not a fad.

I usually don’t rant. But every once in a while, I have to thunder-dunk on people, just to show them I mean fucking business lol.
Up until a couple of years ago, everyone wanted to be in the “in-crowd”…I mean, which is cool, cause yunno, everyone wants to “accepted” and “like everyone else”
But funny thing happened, [...]

It seemed so hard before? Now? EASY!!!!

Remember when you were in first grade. And multiplication seemed impossible?
Then you get to middle school, and algebra looks like gobbly-d-guck. Then you pass algebra, and get on to calculus. Finish calculus, and now, you’re doing applied physics.
well, maybe not applied physics…Cause that shit is just insane.
One of the most amazing things I have witnessed [...]

We’re going on a date….WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!??!

The question that has slayeth many a young player on his way to becoming a supermack.
Getting a date…ehhh, not so tough. I just go up to her, talk, and say “we should continue this later” (implying a date) UNTIL i get the question….
“so what are we gonna do??”
ummm (swagger meter appears)
**brain to a.i.: come up [...]

The Greatest Hip Hop Diss Line. Ever.

Jay vs Nas. KRS vs Shan. LL vs Canibus. Soulja Boy vs Bow Wow. 50 Cent vs pretty much everyone.
Hip Hop might be the most crotch grabbingest, ego infused, “whatchu say bout my momma” meta-sport in music history. A sport in which a missed acknowledgement in the liner notes can bring a barrage of words. [...]

Personalized License Plates – “THEYSUK”

D1VA, BIGDOGG, KiaRio, PR3TTY, IAMCOOL, LOOKTME, IMFINE2
STFU!
No, these aren’t screenames, or nicknames that can be put on a varsity jackets. They are…
Personalized license plates.
Yuck. Nothing pisses me off more than dumbasses on the road more than them having nametags that confirm it. Imagine the feeling, stuck in a prickly-hot traffic jam, behind a person that [...]

TACO BELL HAS A NEW ITEM!??!!

So I’m walking through the mall. Actually, getting chased; the girls are like “ohhh he looks like usher” and have taken it too far and are mobbing me. I understand, I am fooine. lol.
Anyway, I notice a new meal on the Taco Bell marquee. Something about a super quesadilla guacomole, etc etc. And I’m thinking:
why [...]