iPhone 3Gs will change pr0n forever.
Flashback to a college dorm night. She might have been tipsy. She was naughty. She was down. Down to get filmed.
For porn.
You know how you try to keep smooth while suppressing all excited awkardness…like ***ohshitthisisreallyhappening*** ….”yeah baby, let me get the camera”
So I got my ultra-performing, top of the line, 3.2 megapixel digicam. As I fumbled around and found some mix-mate korean batteries and that lone energizer you hope had enough juice to pull along the other batteriess…i finally got it to work.
Power on. Switch to video mode. Oh shit.
Flashing battery light. Power off.
Needless to say, I didn’t get to make my debut. All the better though, I wouldn’t want any sextapes released on my presidential run 2036. Or anyone stealing my technique lol.
I guarantee with the release of the new 3gs iphone, there will be a 3000% increase in homemade porno. See, homemade porno is tough. The trick is timing – the very small window where all parties are all down to get filmed doing the getdown. There is no time for mechanical fumblery – lest that magic moment be lost.
The other trick is environment. In this delicate art, everything must be casual, loose, comfortable. i.e. “we’re just having fun, there’s only one tape” Not everyone feels comfortable in front of a camera. But most everyone is cool with a phone being around, especially a phone this stylish. Thanks to the genii at Apple, more of these magic moments will be captured. Of course it will stay on my phone *wink*
Which means the shy girl sitting in front of you in class is in someone’s phone, somewhere, fucking and screaming like a banshee on American Idol. The buttoned down librarian in front of you is on film, crumpling a man with her super-goods.. Foreplay will be taken to new heights by “little clips” sent between lovers when mms is enabled. The ease of this will revolutionize the homemade porn experience.
Not that this is a new idea, a phone with a camcorder. But never has it been done on a phone this awesome, easy, or intuitive.
Note that I’m no mac fanboy. Really, I don’t fucking care. I use what I like, and I’m not loyal to any brand, as I think all major companies are soulless bastards.
But I do think the relative ease, and experience of using the iPhone makes it easier. We can argue all day about tech specs, but really, who gives a fast-floating fuck about processor speed and email protocols. It all boils down to this. Does it do what you want it to do? Yes. Okay then, stfu.
The iPhone is great because it now consolidates all of the revolutionary digital devices that were once totally seperate, clunky, and uncoordinated into one easy digital experience. Remember carrying a pda, mp3 player, camera, camcorder, gps device, motorola two way pager, batarangs, graphing calculator…You’d end up looking like bloody Batman in broad daylight with all the shit clipped to your waist…
…now all of that’s consolidated into one slim, easy device. A device I wish I woulda had some years ago…
silliness incorporated, 3012
Tags: awesome, camcorder, iPhone, pr0n, silliness
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June 25, 2009 at 7:45 am
Apple needs to give you a promotion contract. For real.
If T Mobile messed with iPhones, I would have had one a long time ago.
Your sentences about the failed pron attempt were hiliarous! I too, have found my self on the wrong end of a camera phone (I hope all those pics have been erased!)
June 29, 2009 at 9:28 am
muwahahaa, so funny. I completely agree with you. Will send you my first addition. (just kiddin nicki)
June 30, 2009 at 7:04 am
LMAO!!!!