I have to find a new barber

I’m a guy. Pretty low maintenance. Unlike women, who have an infinite stockpile of goop, padding, and lies they have to fix themselves up with (re: butt-pop-panties) guys really can’t do much to improve their cro-magnon appearance…without giving up serious man-points. Yes, I have the slightest of unibrow; no, fuck no, you can’t pluck it.

But the one thing a guy can do to improve his looks is pretty much life or death.

The haircut.

Something about a new haircut that makes you feel…invincible. Of course you knew before you could get any job, any woman, any opportunity. But a good haircut is the outward representation of what you know is internally true…

That you are, in fact, the fucking man.

If you have enough “chutzpah” a slightly off cut won’t break you. You can get by until it grows back – my suggestion would be your choice of hat, and liberal amounts of pure mojo…

….wait. Actually, I take that back. Because it is a guaranteed rule that if one receives a bad haircut, it WILL  come before a major and/or photographable event (graduation/wedding/date with Zoe Saldana) Before these events, the haircut must be dialed IN. Or else you end up looking back in the photos thinking the camerman had vertigo, when it was really your slanty-ass hairline.

There are few people I trust in this world. For those two weeks that you’ll have the cut, you are putting your first impression  in the hands of someone else. It takes time, but the barber-client relationship is one of utmost importance. Hell, besides family it might make the most difference in a guys’ life. (Sorry girlfriend…we can fix what’s wrong with one session of sweeeet love, a fucked up haircut can take weeks to recover from..)

An optimal barber-client relationship will be seamless; to the point where a client can sit down in the chair, no words spoken, and thirty minutes have the perfect cut. Recently, the terrain on Fort Goldmind (re: my head) had got a little foresty. No worry, I’ll just head to the barber -  get some of that mowed off.

Words cannot express the dissapointment of what I heard as I stepped through the door of the shop….

“sorry. He moved. To Texas”

What. The. Flying. Fuck. Dilemma…now you think “what would James Bond do?”  I could go to the barber in the next chair. But I’ve seen some of his work, and frankly, it scares me. I could head to the next shop. Then I really don’t know what I’m getting. I could call around and get recommendations…although that’s a bias.

At any rate the moral of the story is…well, there is no moral. If you are a barber, and you intend on leaving the state, please let us know in advance. And if need be, always have a backup barber…and if not

…have a lot of really cool headwear on deck.

ai.2009

The company meet-up: Episode # 1/2

I usually don’t like to post personal/business events on the net, but since this is of relevancy, here we go.

So I just got back from a “voice your opinion” about the  company I work for. A lot of important points were discussed. Here’s the 3 things I took away

1. People, largely, are entitled, whiny, babies – First thing I heard was “what about our perks, incentives, bonuses?”

First Perk? YOU GET TO WORK HERE. What I also failed to say, is that my company, and numerous other companies here are a) cutting jobs b) not hiring or c) dont exist anymore. Before you complain about the roll you get with your steak, eat your steak and shaddap. Cause a lot of people are eating dog food. And that’s not even a metaphor lol.

Instead of complaining about things, put that energy to use in trying to help a little bit. If you did that little bit everyday to fix what’s wrong, it would be fixed in 3 months.

(note: you can’t slam on me for ranting here…this is my writing space)

2. You make your own opportunities – It seems to me that a lot of people are in the mentality that “If I work hard enough, I should be given everything” That’s 200o and late. Along with working comes adjustment, reworking, replanning, and taking control of your own destiny.

Maybe it’s because of my circumstances, but I wasn’t given shit. All I ask for was an opportunity. If I didn’t crush it or take it further, it was my f-ing fault, and no one elses.

3. And since this blog is about appreciation, I’m happy I’m a grateul person – True, I could do more, and true enough, I could ask for more. But just as a rule of thumb, I’m pretty glad to have a job. Bout three years ago, I was at an absolutely shit point. I don’t know whether those people want more, or is it just greed. But I seriously am happy with my career

Just sayin

4. Uno Out.

- a.i. 2009

Back to the Awesome

……looks at tumbleweeds….

Yes, there are tumbleweeds in my blog. Tumbleweeds, cobwebs, dust, and etc.

I won’t get into it personally, but it’s been a rough couple of months. A lot of things happened, and I almost got knocked off my center. Seriously.

As I set out to do before, I’m will use this blog to document my endless search of awesome. So here’s the premise: Take one awesome thing per entry and talk about it. If I can do it daily, great. If not, well, that’s cool too. But when the inspiration hits, and I find something worthy of ranting about it endlessly, I’ll post it here. New format, new rules, new day.

And really, this is about finding something everyday to be appreciative of.  For awhile, I strayed away from the practice of awesomeness – seeking out and being a source of energy in the world. That is who I am at the core of my inner being, and that is what I must fully recommit to.

Oh yeah….I might also be giving up my “secret identity” Who really cares? It might even be better, cause I mean look at me. Im fucking gorgeous.

chea!

-ai. 2009

Twitter is down. The internet’s goin nutz.

WHATS UP ERRRBODY>>>>

“i got the innnanet goin nutz”

Ahh, Mr. Wall. Paul Wall. Before twittar, facebook, myspace, etc, Paul Wall proclaimed himself the king of the parking lot, and the person who “had the internet going nuts”

Until twitter went down this morning, and the internet starting acting wonky (fb and other social networks too)

Before the internet went nuts, I had decided to take a social media break. Yes, I know,  I haven’t been updating A.I. I really haven’t had the time, really. Know why?

Cause I’m actually out doing awesome shit…lol.

In the past month, I’ve performed at a large venue (Warped Tour o9), redesigned a website, stepped my emceeing game up fortyfold, rode moto, increased my salsa and financial game. I notice that the less I twit, blog, fb, etc, the more time I have to be awesome.

I would say that in the whole world, only 5% of the awesomeness that goes on gets documented digitally.

And you know what, I’d like it to stay that way. There’s a reason why you actually have to go to a concert, ride a bike, have mindblowing sex to fully enjoy those activities. Because it is a part of living actual fucking life. Fancy that.

To me, it seems that there are two kinds of people: people who life their life, and people who try to convince others that they are living their life.  If you’re videotaping obsessively(and not a photographer/videographer), tweeting, or giving detailed blogs about an event, you probably didn’t enjoy it enough.

Conversely, I know why I like the people I follow. A short blurb after something interesting.  A product of actual work. A funny anecdote or thought. Evidence of someone enjoying their life, as opposed to living their life to enjoy evidence…

to each their own though.

a.i. 2009

I’ll be there

**momentarily drops tough guy image**

I was okay about the Michael Jackson thing until up about now. If i listen to “i’ll be there”,  I’m pretty sure I’ll lose it. Even reading the lyrics is tough.

Out of all the songs that sums up Michael Jackson’s impact on the world, it has to be that song.

I’ll be there is a song about unconditional, altrustic, pure love. Lines like ” I’ll have faith in all you do”, “Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter”, and “If you should ever find someone new, I know he’d better be good to you”

Damn. Most of us wish our exes would burn. But this guy loved her so much that even if she did find someone else, he’d still support her. That is love. You then realize that what most people think is love is selfish. It’s like “i’ll love you [but only if you do what I want, and only if I can benefit from it] True love, I think has no expectations of reward or compensation. It’s just there.

Rarely is that type of love shared between people…lol, that’s more of a God-type love. But I think that ultimately, that’s how God wants us to love. That no matter how bad someone screws up, that someone still will be there for you, with the same energy and fervor as when you do well. Take inventory. How many of us have that type of people there for us?

That’s how I remember Michael Jackson. Well, also for moonwalking, but displaying an outgoing and true love in his songs. You try to pin down why his songs are so successful, and it will always boil to that same thing. A love for people that is unselfish, unexpecting, unwavering. Michael Jackson showed 3 generations of people this love, and he will be missed.

I’m a bit sad that he’s gone. However, energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, so that energy has to go somewhere right? We gotta pick up the ball.

I’m running out of stuff to say, and my tough guy image is ready to come back

***puts up tough guy image***

chea. a.i. 2009

iPhone 3Gs will change pr0n forever.

Flashback to a college dorm night. She might have been tipsy. She was naughty. She was down. Down to get filmed.

For porn.

You know how you try to keep smooth while suppressing all excited awkardness…like ***ohshitthisisreallyhappening*** ….”yeah baby, let me get the camera”

So I got my ultra-performing, top of the line,  3.2 megapixel digicam. As I fumbled around and found some mix-mate korean batteries and that lone energizer you hope had enough juice to pull along the other batteriess…i finally got it to work.

Power on. Switch to video mode. Oh shit.

Flashing battery light. Power off.

Needless to say, I didn’t get to make my debut. All the better though, I wouldn’t want any sextapes released on my presidential run 2036. Or anyone stealing my technique lol.

I guarantee with the release of the new 3gs iphone, there will be a 3000% increase in homemade porno. See, homemade porno is tough. The trick is timing – the very small window where all parties are all down to get filmed doing the getdown.  There is no time for mechanical fumblery – lest that magic moment be lost.

The other trick is environment. In this delicate art, everything must be casual, loose, comfortable. i.e. “we’re just having fun, there’s only one tape” Not everyone feels comfortable in front of a camera. But most everyone is cool with a phone being around, especially a phone this stylish. Thanks to the genii at Apple, more of these magic moments will be captured. Of course it will stay on my phone *wink*

Which means the shy girl sitting in front of you in class is in someone’s phone, somewhere, fucking and screaming like a banshee on American Idol. The buttoned down librarian in front of you is on film, crumpling a man with her super-goods.. Foreplay will be taken to new heights by “little clips” sent between lovers when mms is enabled. The ease of this will revolutionize the homemade porn experience.

Not that this is a new idea, a phone with a camcorder. But never has it been done on a phone this awesome, easy, or intuitive.

Note that I’m no mac fanboy. Really, I don’t fucking care. I use what I like, and I’m not loyal to any brand, as I think all major companies are soulless bastards.

But I do think the relative ease, and experience of using the iPhone makes it easier. We can argue all day about tech specs, but really, who gives a fast-floating fuck about processor speed and email protocols.  It all boils down to this. Does it do what you want it to do? Yes. Okay then, stfu.

The iPhone is great because it now consolidates all of the revolutionary digital devices that were once totally seperate, clunky, and uncoordinated into one easy digital experience. Remember carrying a pda, mp3 player, camera, camcorder, gps device, motorola two way pager, batarangs, graphing calculator…You’d end up looking like bloody Batman in broad daylight with all the shit clipped to your waist…

…now all of that’s consolidated into one slim, easy device.  A device I wish I woulda had some years ago…

silliness incorporated, 3012

Is your work your “craft”?

“Kodak, like most companies nowadays, are so focused on expanding their customer acquisition through the latest and greatest whatever, they lose their most loyal customers by discontinuing the production of merchandise we have loved and used for years.”

That quote has nothing to do with what this is about. This is about Kodak discontinuing Kodachrome film processing. I know one would think “why film over digital photography” I mean, the long hours under noxious fumes and chemicals, developing photos that may or may not have come out right.

But in this profits-over-quality world we live in, it is a breath of fresh air to know that someone actually spent time on what they set out to do, and did what they said.

The question raised, is our work our “craft?”

In older days,  your work became your craft. You discovered you had a knack for something. A mentor realized those certain talents in you. You studied under a mentor, they implanted the basics of the craft for you, and you went on to master your craft over some years. It was something you enjoyed to do…something you were meant to do. And if someone wanted your service, they’d would look at your work, not your “advertising blitz”. The work would advertise for itself.

Most importantly though, they instilled that sense of pride that arises from a job well done. I’m a bit old school in that, I appreciate skill over substance. To create something with your brain, mind, heart, and creativity is divine. I can appreciate the effort it requires.

I enjoy when effort is put into details. Intricate carvings you can look at for days and still find something new.

I like designs of today, but it seems as we move on, stuff becomes less…intricate. Less time is put into one’s craft, and more time is put into “it needs to be done by this date”. I mean, I understand a stone carver probably wouldn’t be the best field to go in, if you need to put food on the table. But still….

I understand that this is America. You have to do stuff fast, easy, and cheap in order to just barely keep up. We must not forget however, that we should aim to master and derive pride, pleasure, and enjoyment from what we do. Our motivation for our craft must not lie only in what monies it will bring to our pocket. Our motivation should also be to make the world just a little bit better with what we do.

chea.

~ ai. 2009

No Nukes. But presidents should Fight.

Nukes…naaaa

Why would someone want to shoot off a nuclear weapon? Beffuddles me to no end, i mean, to think about nuclear winter, radiation, and not to mention the insanity of wiping out entire cities. My solution:

My president fight your president.

That’s right. If two countries want to go at it, then why not let the presidents fight? They get a year to train.  Whoever kicks the other’s ass gets 5 requests, agreed upon before the fight. It makes it so simple.

Being that my president is probably bigger, faster, and better than yours, it’s a win win for us.

Or how about other contests. Basketball. Rap Battle. Breakdance contest. Bocce ball match. What better way to show dominance than destroying someone lyrically?

But if this somehow gets to n.korea, please no nukes.

a.i. 2009

Signs that showed it would be A RESSESSHON

Wow. The recession. Everyone’s favorite topic and excuse:

“we cain’t get murried…issa recesshon”.

“i got all f’s, cause issa resesshon”.

“i’m making 100,000 an hour…but it’s stilla a ressissohn…buy your own damn fries” (c/o b.obama)

However, there were signs that poo would soon be coating the fan. I don’t think of it as much of a recession, but a market correction. Cause right before this whole thing happened, some ignant shit was going on. And as we all know, ignant shit will come home to roost, soon enough.

So without further ado, signs that showed it was gonna be a “ressesshon”

1) Going “stated”. Credit was so easy to get that you could actually go “stated” when asked how much you made. Meaning that you didn’t have to show proof of income…

…and people were buying 300,000 dollar homes on 35,000 dollar salary. Yunno, cause of course the price of homes ALWAYS goes up, and we’ll ALWAYS make more money in two years when our ARM kicks in.

2) Rent-A-Wheel – Credit was being used so egregiously (note that I don’t know what egregious means lol) that people where renting RIMS!

3) True Religion Jeans – 300 dollars for one pair of jeans. If you have a closet full of 300 dollar jeans, you have too much money, and not enough smarts to manage it.

4) SUV’s – There’s a Hummer dealership close to where I live. Which reminds me, I have to call them to get the tumbledweeds from blowing into my lot lol.

5) The rich get smarter – When Kirk Kerkorian started pulling out shares of GM, I knew it was going down. Extremely rich people aren’t stupid, and usually have the inside track somehow.

6) People got fatter – What do you do to celebrate success. That’s right. GO EAT! And of course since everyone was ballin like it was 2004, people gaint.  Bennigans, Fridays, Ruby Tuesdays, Applebees, benefitted – all of which are pretty much the same place lol.

7) Music started sucking – Well, music sucked for a while, but over the last 3 years, it has been really bad. Good art usually comes out of tough times, because more people are creative, and able relate that to others to share the experience. So when crummy, wack music becomes the norm, innovation goes down, and the bubble pops.

But you won’t find crummy music at www.detroitcydi.com lol

chea!

- a.i. 2009

When my kids turn 8, they should read this

I remember it like yesterday. Dad left. Well, not as importantly as the words he left

“take care of the family”

I usually try not to get all personal here. But yes, I was thrown to the wolves. I’m pretty sure Dad was confident in my super saiyan training, and knew that everything would be a-ok. Cause I would make them that way.

So when I saw the following article, I got a little up in arms.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/133103

Wait, so a mom gets flak for letting her 9 year old son ride the subway? He specifically asked to have his own adventure. It’s something I did. So why is she getting so much shit for a kid that wants to go out and kick asses.

When I was eight, I was responsible for waking myself up, getting myself to and from school, dodging the crazy bad influences, and getting straight a’s. I knew what was required, and I did it. Of course I needed correcting every once in a while, but once I learned, I learned.

So I get a little sad when children get over-coddled. I think the earlier that kids are given responsibility (i.e. if you don’t take out the trash, it won’t get done) the earlier they can get out in the world and start kicking actual asses.

It doesn’t mean to take away their childhood…but it does mean to let them make the mistakes that children do, so they won’t screw up when they’re adults. I think that kids are a reflection of parenting: you can only trust to them to do what you’ve raised them to.  I don’t blame violent movies, or curse filled music. I blame the parents that can’t explain the difference from right and wrong, and let them affect them.

That gets me to thinking…do we really ever become “not kids” I mean, sure we have an “adult” title. But what does “adult” mean? It means you take care of yourself, right? So what happens if your parents (i.e. job) decides you haven’t been doing your chores and decides to take away your allowance?

Instead of being connected to the world, which is good, we are being shielded from the world….which sucks. Instead of people who go out to independently think and go do what is right, we are told what to think and do what everyone else is. I personally don’t know anyone that is uber-successful doing what everyone else is doing…and maybe that’s my point…

My original point, I forgot. I know this though…when my kids are 8, I’m throwing their asses to the wolves lol.

a.i. 2009